Cancel Thanksgiving
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: After watching a documentary and reading a book that target negative aspects of the fast food industry, Buster and Jaylynn decide to become vegetarians, putting them at odds with Sparky and RK.
1. Cancel Thanksgiving Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 8

Airdate: November 24, 2019

"Cancel Thanksgiving"

_ #TYH809_

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_One afternoon, Sparky is stirring something in a pot while whistling._

SPARKY: I've got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, chicken, turkeys, rabbit...YOU NAME IT!

_Wade walks into the kitchen at that point. _

WADE: I really hope Shirley Caesar is getting paid off stuff like this.

SPARKY: Hey Wade. You're in luck. I was putting the finishing touches on the first draft of my Thanksgiving sauce.

WADE: Thanksgiving sauce? But Thanksgiving isn't even that close.

SPARKY: I know, but I wanted to get a headstart this year. You know how everybody complains about the turkey and how dry it is?

WADE: Yeah. And my response to that is usually, "Just don't eat it."

SPARKY: Well, say goodbye to dry meat on Thanksgiving. Once you put this sauce on the turkey, it will be like flavor heaven. Check it out.

_Sparky gives Wade a taste of the Thanksgiving sauce._

WADE: This is like poetry in a bowl. Sparky, you can't serve this on Thanksgiving.

SPARKY: Why not?

WADE: Because it's too good. You're going to give everybody a spiritual experience that will never be replicated. We can't handle quality like this.

SPARKY: It's a risk I'm willing to take, buddy. But listen, you need to keep this a secret. I don't want anybody finding out about the sauce yet.

WADE: Don't worry about it. No one's even thinking about Thanksgiving right now.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the kids are talking by their lockers._

BUSTER: So Sparky, I was thinking we do something a little different with the next McChicken Day.

SPARKY: What did you have in mind?

BUSTER: We - and believe me, I have been thinking about this for a long time - we should get ketchup on them.

SPARKY: Whoa. You think we're ready for it?

BUSTER: We should try to see if we're ready for it.

RK: Speaking of chicken, I finally had the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich yesterday. It was all that.

JAYLYNN: Congratulations on buying it months after everyone else. Did you at least get the spicy?

RK: No, the regular.

JAYLYNN: What a pussy.

RK: Shut up. Not all of us want to rot away our insides eating three of those shits in one day.

JAYLYNN: You don't have to bring up all of my Facebook posts in our arguments, you know.

WADE: Don't you guys think that eating all this unhealthy food will have negative consequences later in life?

RK: Maybe. But by the time my body turns on me, I'll be old and waiting to die anyway.

BUSTER: Yeah, we might as well do stupid things now and make it up to God when we're in our 70s.

WADE: Assuming you make it to 70.

SPARKY: Don't you always unhinge your jaw for your birthday dinner?

WADE: That's different. Birthdays are festive.

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Pastornick's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

_Later that day, the kids are seated as Mr. Pastornick speaks._

MR. PASTORNICK: Alright, guys, it's time for a special treat. Who here has heard of a movie called _The 30-Day Struggle_?

_A few kids raise their hands._

MR. PASTORNICK: Okay, good. With this movie, a man goes on an experiment to figure out how his body is affected by eating nothing but McDonald's food for one whole month.

RK: That's a movie?

WADE: I'm assuming there are certain rules he made so the movie would be more interesting.

MR. PASTORNICK: Anyway, with _The 30-Day Struggle_, this man went through a lot of pain trying to see how McDonald's food was impacting his daily life. He couldn't concentrate, he was more irritated, and his marriage almost fell apart.

JAYLYNN: Come on, McDonald's couldn't have done all that.

MR. PASTORNICK: You don't believe me? Well...here we go.

_Mr. Pastornick begins playing "The 30-Day Struggle" on the film projector._

EDWARD: My name is Edward Sinclair, a food fanatic and film director. You know, in the past, when fast food companies tried to hurt us from the inside, there was nothing we could do about it. Many of them had secrets they refused to share with the public, and millions of dollars to protect them. So when a controversy popped off, we'd sue the bastards and make sure we didn't stop until we received our pound of flesh.

RK: Okay. I see what he's doing here, kinda like it.

EDWARD: This time, I wanted to come up with an experiment that inspired the new generation of consumers, consumers like me who loved food and wanted the industry to get better. I decided to eat nothing but McDonald's food for one entire month. There were some rules, of course. Three meals a day: Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I had to eat everything on the menu at least once. If anything I ate or drank came from outside of McDonald's, it compromised the experiment. So, yeah, I was sick enough to buy water from McDonald's.

_All the kids laugh._

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Pastornick's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

_Sometime in the movie, Edward steps on the scale._

EDWARD: I've gained about ten pounds in less than two weeks. I'm a little slower than I used to be, and...I don't know if I can even remember what I watched on TV last night.

RK: Damn, man.

_Cut to Edward having a Big Breakfast with Hotcakes at McDonald's, eating by himself at his booth with a hoodie and sunglasses._

EDWARD: You see, the thing is, this actually isn't a bad-tasting meal by itself, but when you eat it repeatedly like I have, it starts tasting like vomit. At this point, I could legit taste my own bodily fluids whenever I have a sausage because it's like...too f***ing much, man.

BUSTER: That poor, poor director.

_Sparky gives Buster a weird look._

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Pastornick's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

_Currently in the film, Edward is meeting with his doctor. He has gotten significantly fatter and he looks exhausted as the doctor talks to him._

DOCTOR: You know, Edward, you're not doing yourself any favors with this new diet. What are you trying to prove?

EDWARD _(V.O.)_: It's day 21 of my 30-day experiment. I haven't exercised in weeks, I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes, and I haven't found my wife attractive in days. To keep it simple, I'm starting to regret every decision I've ever made.

DOCTOR: Have you ever seen that Nicolas Cage movie, _Leaving Las Vegas_?

EDWARD: No, but I've seen _Moonstruck_. He was God-awful in that movie.

DOCTOR: Everyone knows that, let's stay focused here. In that movie, Nic Cage, he, uh...drank himself to death, essentially. He did the same thing you did. Your cholesterol has increased in a span that normally takes months or years, not three weeks. You're hitting a serious wall here, Ed.

DOCTOR _(V.O.)_: No doctor would recommend that he do something like this. There's proving a point and then there's just plain stupidity. Honestly, I estimate that he won't make it to the end of the month before shutting down completely.

BUSTER: Oh, no, what are you doing, Eddie?!

_Sparky, RK, Wade, and Jaylynn all look at Buster._

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_The kids leave Mr. Pastornick's class._

WADE: Wow, that documentary was...eye-opening?

BUSTER: Eye-opening? That guy almost died because of McDonald's. How could they serve this crap to people?

RK: Pffft, that's just propaganda.

SPARKY: I don't know, man, you don't need to trick anybody into thinking that McDonald's is unhealthy.

RK: Sparks, wake up and smell the coffee. That idiot was having a buffet of junk three times a day for a month. He didn't exercise, didn't eat anything else, and then he's all like, "Oh no, I'm a fat f*** now, what am I gonna do?" He knew what would happen.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but it's kinda gross how someone could go through all that just because of food. I mean, no one died eating three apples a day.

_RK sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes. _

RK: It's like, I really like being around you, but sometimes, you just say things and...I don't know...

JAYLYNN: You don't know what? Are you calling me dumb?

RK: That sounds like something you just made up to pick a fight.

_Beat._

WADE: Interesting documentary, though.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky is watching TV that afternoon when Bitch Clock walks in from the kitchen. _

BITCH CLOCK: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be eating McChickens at Buster's?

SPARKY: How do you know today is McChicken Day?

BITCH CLOCK: You always wear a plaid shirt because you say if the grease gets on a pattern you don't like, it's okay. And your hair is parted to the side a little bit.

_Beat._

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, that's right, I pay attention to things.

SPARKY: Buster wasn't feeling it today. We saw this documentary in school and now, he doesn't even want to think about McDonald's.

BITCH CLOCK: Let me guess. _The 30-Day Struggle_?

SPARKY: How did you know?

BITCH CLOCK: Dude, I remember when it came out. It was like the return of the mad cow disease.

SPARKY: What's the mad cow disease?

BITCH CLOCK: I forget a lot how old you are. Anyway, when the doc came out, I knew a lot of people that couldn't touch McDonald's. They were talking about going vegetarian, throwing up whenever they saw a Big Mac commercial. I remember this one time, my friend ran up on a guy playing Ronald McDonald and tried choking him to death. They sent him to a psych ward.

SPARKY: What does any of this have to do with me?

BITCH CLOCK: You need to watch out for Buster. It might be a phase, but this is how it starts. Pretty soon, he'll be walking around with a stick waiting for Ronald so he can be like, "Say your prayers, you facepainted bitch."

SPARKY: I think it'll be okay.

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the kids are at their lockers._

JAYLYNN: Hey, did we finish watching that documentary?

WADE: No, we're finishing today. Then we have to start some book.

RK: Are you kidding me? Propaganda and a book to go with it? Where does it end with this school?!

BUSTER: RK, Mr. Pastornick is making sure we're aware of what's going on in the world today. What, are you afraid of hard-hitting journalism?

RK: No, I'm afraid of idiots, and sweaty teachers making sure we all fall for the okie doke. That can't be me.

SPARKY: Personally, I think the book will help. The documentary was a little extreme, but you know how Hollywood is. Once we read the book, we'll gain perspective.

JAYLYNN: I hope so. I don't want to start being traumatized whenever I look at a Quarter Pounder.

SPARKY: Or start choking out Ronald McDonald impersonators.

_Beat._

SPARKY: It made a lot more sense when Bitch Clock said it.

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Pastornick's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

_In class, the kids are reading the book._

MR. PASTORNICK: See, guys, _The Art of the Meal _helps shine a light on important issues in the fast food industry. I'm hoping it can inspire discussion amongst you kids.

JAYLYNN: Yo, what the f***?!

SPARKY: What?!

JAYLYNN: McDonald's uses pink slime in their Chicken McNuggets.

_The kids all look at the section of the book that Jaylynn is reading._

BUSTER: That's sick. What do you guys think the slime tastes like?

JAYLYNN: Does it matter? That shit's gross, they're putting some weirdo goo in the food so it can look a certain way.

RK: Do you want actual bones and blood in your nuggets? You know, to make it more authentic?

JAYLYNN: I can't believe you of all people want to defend what these companies are doing.

RK: I'm not, but I understand that this is a business. You gotta step on toes, kick dirt in people's faces, do whatever you can to make money. It's kinda like what Chris Rock said: I'm not saying I would do it, but I understand.

WADE: RK's right. Some of this stuff is to be expected.

BUSTER: Well, what about this thing made from bugs that they put in all the red stuff? This coca meal?

WADE: You mean, cochineal? Yeah, I've heard of it. In some countries, bugs are a delicacy.

BUSTER: Oh, great, make jokes at a time like this.

SPARKY: Buster, it's okay. There's nothing pure about a lot of the food we eat. But it's just something we have to accept.

BUSTER: I don't know, man. McDonald's broke my heart after this. I think I'm done with them.

_Sparky has a look of shock on his face, then goes back to reading his book in disappointment. _

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Study Hall

Seattle, Washington

_That afternoon, the fifth graders are having a senior committee meeting._

ASHLEY: So it's at this point that we've narrowed down our senior trip to two places: Phoenix and Washington, D.C.

SPARKY: How did Phoenix become a candidate?

ASHLEY: Remember that one meeting you and Halley weren't here because you were doing something?

SPARKY: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Well, Phoenix got a lot of love that day.

SANNA: So, now, it's time to put it to a vote. And no write-in candidates. I'm talking to you, Manny.

MANNY: Look, just because you don't want to put up the money to take us to Disneyland, doesn't mean I'm an idiot for suggesting it.

SANNA: I have to save money like everyone else!

JAYLYNN: Look, I'm sorry for going off-topic here, but we need to talk about Mr. Pastornick's class. Thanks to him, I can't eat McDonald's anymore.

HALLEY: Yeah, it's true. It's like finding out Santa likes to give kids more than just presents if you know what I mean.

RK: I've heard that theory a couple times.

WILL: I mean, it's not just McDonald's, it's all fast food now. It makes me feel like I'm committing a crime or something.

JAYLYNN: Exactly!

SPARKY: Hang on a minute. Just because a few things were brought to our attention about fast food, doesn't mean it's now made by the devil.

ASHLEY: Shouldn't we stop this?

SANNA: Nah, I kinda want to see where this goes.

BUSTER: But if we know too much about the food we eat, don't we have a responsibility as people to stop eating it?

WADE: That's not a responsibility, it's a choice. You're not going to die from fast food if you're responsible with how you eat it.

BUSTER: See, that's just a ripoff of what I said, though.

RK: Honestly, I think we're all just going cuckoo bananas because we feel like we have to. Fast food's never lied to us about what it is. It's looking at us now like, "Why are you turning on me? All I did was love you."

BUSTER: Well, it obviously didn't love us enough. The whole time, it was abusing us, and we just sat there and took it.

ASHLEY: Maybe this all happened for a reason. We eat McDonald's and Burger King like it's going out of style. It wouldn't hurt to cut down.

JAYLYNN: See, I don't think that's enough. We need to make a big change. Let these companies know that they can't just keep secrets from us and expect us to stay loyal.

SPARKY: Like, what? Going vegan?

JAYLYNN: What am I, an animal? No, we should go vegetarian. I think we can handle it, right?

_At that point, RK's eyes widen and he ends up falling to the floor._

SPARKY: RK!

RK: I've been a good boy this year, Mr. Milkman. Just give me what I asked you and there won't be a problem.

SCENE 11

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Sparky is slowly stirring his Thanksgiving sauce. However, he lacks the same enthusiasm he had before._

SPARKY: I've got greens, beans...tomatoes, and...Plato. You name it?

_Sparky sighs and tosses his spoon aside. At that point, RK walks in from the back door, causing Sparky to scream and leap in the air._

SPARKY: Oh, it's just you. What are you doing here?

RK: Coming to see my buddy. You had the front door locked for some weird reason, so I had to use the back door. It almost gave me a rash.

SPARKY: You know what, it's cool. I was just cooking.

RK: Really, what?

SPARKY: It doesn't matter anymore.

RK: Come on, Sparko, food always matters. Now, what's in the pot?

SPARKY: Well, I was trying to create my own sauce for Thanksgiving to put all over the turkey.

RK: To combat the dryness?

SPARKY: Exactly! And it was coming along nicely, but after what happened at school today, I'm ruined. Nobody's going to want to eat turkey during dinner.

RK: Don't you think you're overreacting? I mean, we're kids, we don't have willpower. This whole vegetarian thing will blow over.

SPARKY: I don't think so. Buster already cancelled McChicken Day. If all of our friends stop eating meat, I might have to cancel Thanksgiving.

RK: What?! No, that's sacrilege! Thanksgiving was made for people to eat themselves into a coma. We have to fight this.

SPARKY: How?

RK: By sticking to our guns. I mean, can you imagine what Thanksgiving would look like without turkey?

_A thought bubble appears above Sparky's head where him and several other fifth graders are having Thanksgiving dinner. However, because no turkey is being served, the place where the turkey normally resides on the table is empty._

BUSTER: So, macaroni and cheese is the main course this year?

SPARKY: Yes, Buster. It is.

BUSTER: Well, why?

SPARKY: Because, Buster, a bunch of kids decided to go vegetarian and compromise my turkey plans. You were one of those kids. So you're going to sit there, eat what's on your plate, and think about what you did before I get mad.

BUSTER: Look, Sparky, I didn't think...

SPARKY: I SAID, EAT THE DAMN FOOD!

_Buster quickly eats his food while Sparky stares at him angrily. The thought bubble disappears. _

RK: Sparky, are you okay? What were you deeply thinking about?

SPARKY: We have to save Thanksgiving.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the kids are eating together._

SPARKY: So I guess the rumors are true. The whole fifth grade is going to give up meat.

WADE: I don't know, I'm still on the fence. I see both sides, but I don't want to be part of the hysteria.

BUSTER: Hysteria? Wade, there's nothing wrong with going vegetarian. It builds character.

WADE: I never said there was, and how is changing your diet a sign of building character?

RK: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm a meat eater for life. Look at this. The lunch ladies really blessed us today with this burger patty right here.

JAYLYNN: I know what you're doing and it's not gonna work.

RK: I don't think I know what you're talking about. But I guess Jaylynns are supposed to be suspicious.

JAYLYNN: There's only one frigging Jaylynn!

RK: Hey Buster, you know how you love it when the school burgers have all the fixings?

BUSTER: Maybe. But that was the old me. I'm all grown up now.

RK: That's nice. But what's even nicer is the smell of this. Buster, take a sniff real quick.

BUSTER: If I do, will you stop making it seem like you wanna make out with your food?

RK: Sure.

_RK holds the burger up to Buster's nose, and Buster begins smelling it. His eyes widen._

RK: What's wrong, Bust?

BUSTER: Nothing, that burger just reminds me of the old days. You got, uh, some cheese on that?

RK: Two slices, my man.

BUSTER: How about some ketchup? You're gonna put a little tomato jelly on that bad boy?

RK: Of course. I didn't get these shiny red packets for nothing.

BUSTER: Yeah, let that burger know who the chef is. It's all you, RK.

RK: You're damn right, check out my squirting technique.

_RK opens two ketchup packets, and squirts both of them on the burger at the same time while his arms are crossed, forming the "X" symbol._

BUSTER: You devil.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I need to talk to Buster real quick.

_Jaylynn pulls Buster out of his seat and takes him into the hallway._

JAYLYNN: Dude, are you crazy? You were falling right into his trap!

BUSTER: I know, but that burger was calling me, Jaylynn. It was reminding me of all the joy it's given me. It was a serenade, man.

JAYLYNN: Look, I know seeing all that juicy goodness was hard, but you have to stay strong. Remember, they freeze that stuff, bring it in from Alaska, and use a dirty grill for it.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, I forgot. Bunch of punks.

JAYLYNN: I know what we need now that we're vegetarian: Our own safe space.

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_A couple days later, Sparky, RK, and Wade walk out of a room to see Buster and Jaylynn handing out fliers while wearing matching green shirts._

SPARKY: What the hell are they doing?

JAYLYNN: Remember, guys, come to the meeting. Support all precious life and your arteries.

SPARKY: Guys, what's going on here?

JAYLYNN: Oh, we're just promoting the new Vegetarian Club.

RK: Just when I thought this school couldn't sink to a new low.

WADE: The Vegetarian Club?

BUSTER: Yeah, here, we get to meet people who not only care about the environment, but refuse to eat anything that has parents. It makes sense, parents are supposed to fade away and begin rotting before their kids do.

JAYLYNN: And each week, we think of new, alternative meals to eat.

WADE: Guys, don't you think you're laying it on a little thick? I mean, it's one thing to start eating differently, but you don't want to force your beliefs on people.

JAYLYNN: We're not forcing anything. We just want certain people to feel included, even if it's not what everyone else is doing.

RK: I'm not going to any meetings, even if you paid me.

JAYLYNN: I was never gonna ask you to come.

RK: I know, I just wanted to emphasize that.

BUSTER: Hey Sparky, why don't you sign up for the club? We could really use another leader.

SPARKY: No thanks, it's not my scene.

BUSTER: Are you sure? You get a free T-shirt. And it's soft, not hard like most promotional T-shirts. Didn't I tell you, Jaylynn, to go with a T-shirt company that makes soft fabric? She didn't wanna listen at first, but...

_Sparky then starts walking away._

BUSTER: Hey, where are you going?

SPARKY: Look, Buster, good luck with the club, but I just don't think it's worth it. Sorry.

_Buster looks crushed as Sparky continues walking. Jaylynn pats him on the back while RK and Wade look at each other, then slowly walk backwards._

JAYLYNN: Where are you guys going?

RK: Um...keep hope alive?

WADE: Yeah, Buster, life is what you make it.

JAYLYNN: Man, get outta here.

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Later that day, Sparky and RK are watching TV._

SPARKY: I feel like shit. Buster just wanted me to join the club and I broke his heart.

RK: Look, Sparky, just because Buster doesn't want to eat meat anymore, doesn't mean you have to stop eating. You gotta live life for you, not for anyone else.

SPARKY: Yeah, you're right. But now that they have the club, we can forget about saving Thanksgiving.

RK: Oh, that plan's still in effect. See, Sparko, I consider myself a fast food enthusiast. A junk food connoisseur, if you will.

SPARKY: Okay, and how does this make sure I get to use my Thanksgiving sauce?

RK: What it does is change opinions. Over the years, I've gained plenty of knowledge about the unhealthy and the greasy and the salt and the sugar, and I've put it all in this book.

_RK hands Sparky a white paperback book. It is titled "How to Live to Eat," and features different unhealthy foods bordering the cover, like fried chicken, ice cream, Skittles, potato chips, cheeseburgers, donuts, and chocolate chip pancakes. _

SPARKY: _How to Live to Eat_?

RK: It's one of my proudest achievements, but I like having people find out about it in their own way. It's more special.

SPARKY: So, what's the book about?

RK: Basically, it's about the best ways to make your body happy and excited through the food you put inside it. Eating should be fun, not a homework assignment.

SPARKY: Best fries?

RK: Took months of research to figure that out. Popeyes is technically the best, but if we're talking burger joints, it's Burger King all day.

SPARKY: "Condiment rules." I thought eating was supposed to be fun.

RK: Sparky, I'm not uncivilized. If I don't care about the details, how is anyone supposed to take what I say seriously?

SPARKY: So, mayonnaise on sandwiches only?

RK: Yes. No hot dogs should ever have it, that's just foul.

SPARKY: I still don't know what we're supposed to do with this.

RK: Well, if we hand out copies of this book to kids, they'll get info from our perspective. That way, it won't just be a bunch of "vegetarian this, vegetarian that, always turn the light off before you leave a room."

_Beat._

RK: I'm saying, Buster and Jaylynn are going to be preachy, is what I'm saying.

SPARKY: Oh, okay.

RK: Yeah, I'm gonna need you to pick up on these things when I do them.

SCENE 15

_("Beef" by Boogie Down Productions plays in the background) _

_The montage follows two different sides: Buster and Jaylynn representing the Vegetarian Club, and Sparky and RK representing meat eaters. As the days go by, the Vegetarian Club gains more members, and more kids begin to turn away from meat after being forced to watch "The 30-Day Struggle" and read "The Art of the Meal." Meanwhile, Sparky and RK struggle to get people to join their side until RK is able to get enough copies of "How to Live to Eat" printed up. The book becomes an instant success in school, and kids begin adhering to its rules. This leads to conflict between friends who either eat meat or are vegetarian. The members of TSE also have more separation, as they hang out considerably less and Wade either spends time with Adriana or himself._

SCENE 16

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_One day, Buster and Jaylynn are at their lockers._

BUSTER: I feel like I'm half corn now. I didn't know it was possible to eat so much.

JAYLYNN: I just hope you don't eat it on Thanksgiving. I don't want to have to watch it again.

BUSTER: If you don't want to see me eat it, you can always just leave the room.

_At that point, Sparky and RK march down the hallway wearing flesh-colored shirts, with several kids behind them. _

KIDS: 2, 4, 6, 8! We all know that meat is great! 2, 4, 6, 8! We all know that meat is great!

JAYLYNN: Could you guys do this some other time? It's really irritating.

RK: Hey, we got rid of the bullhorn for you. I thought you would be proud of us.

JAYLYNN: Proud? Why would I be proud after reading that piece of shit book you wrote?

RK: Hey, years of research went into that book!

JAYLYNN: I know. I'm seeing all that research right now.

RK: Oh, you better say that again.

SPARKY: RK, it's cool. It's cool. Jaylynn, we have the right to express our beliefs in a peaceful way. We're not hurting anybody.

JAYLYNN: You're hurting us. Everybody's listening to that "live to eat" crap and all it's gonna do is make them end up like Edward Sinclair.

SPARKY: No, it won't. You guys only became vegetarians because you felt like you had to. You know you wanna eat meat again, you just won't admit it.

BUSTER: Hey, don't tell us how we're supposed to feel! You don't know us!

SPARKY: I know you. We're best friends.

BUSTER: And you had no faith in this club. Now, it's bigger than...than...well, it's a helluva lot bigger than you thought it would be and you can't handle it.

SPARKY: I can handle it, but you know you exaggerate things. You once stopped eating Cap'n Crunch because you thought the actual Cap'n Crunch would kill you in your sleep.

BUSTER: How dare you make fun of my trauma?

_Buster shoves Sparky._

SPARKY: Hey, don't start something you can't finish.

_Sparky shoves Buster back._

RK: Jaylynn, control your partner.

JAYLYNN: Why don't you control yours?

_Jaylynn shoves RK._

RK: Oh, it's on now.

_RK lunges at Jaylynn and a fight breaks out between them. Sparky and Buster end up fighting as well and some of the meat-eating kids get involved. Vegetarian Club members step in to fight and the instrumental version of "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background as an all-out brawl has commenced._

SCENE 17

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal's Office

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky, Buster, RK, and Jaylynn are all seated across from Principal MacGregor._

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: This is ridiculous. The entire school has been brought to its knees because of your little clubs, and now you've instigated a fight that's left kids injured. I could have you all suspended for this.

RK: Could I say something in our defense, please?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I really don't want you to.

RK: The real problem here, between everybody in this room, is Mr. Pastornick. Everything was all peachy until he showed us that documentary and gave us that book. If we're going to go after someone, then it should be him.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I personally approved Mr. Pastornick's curriculum. He's not responsible for any of these recent events.

RK: Maybe he could be?

BUSTER: Mr. Pastornick is a saint! He opened our eyes to the truth!

RK: Do you mind being quiet whiIe I'm saving the day?

JAYLYNN: You're not saving anything, jackass.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I'm giving all four of you detention for the next week. It's really a shame how as close as you guys are, it's come to this.

_The four kids then leave the office while Wade stands near the door._

WADE: I heard about what happened. So, what's the verdict?

SPARKY: We're all getting a week's detention. Even though Buster was the one who started the fight.

BUSTER: You were the one who made fun of my Cap'n Crunch phobia.

SPARKY: Yeah, because that's the kind of thing that just makes you want to crack someone's jaw.

JAYLYNN: Well, RK escalated it by coming at me like a crazy animal.

RK: You shoved me first! For all I know, you could have pulled out the steel and let it rain on me!

JAYLYNN: Why the hell would I have a gun?

RK: Why the hell would you _not _have a gun...is the question.

WADE: Can everybody shut up?! Please?! This is pathetic. We used to be like family, always sticking by each other no matter what, and now, because half of you have different diets, the world has to end? What about Thanksgiving?

SPARKY: Thanksgiving's cancelled. And if I am doing something, these two aren't invited.

JAYLYNN: Good. We wouldn't want to be there anyway.

BUSTER: Yeah, have fun eating your swine.

RK: You eat turkey on Thanksgiving.

BUSTER: Please, it's all the same to me now. Let's go, Jaylynn.

SPARKY: Come on, RK.

_The two groups leave the area, and Wade is left alone._

WADE: Is there some kind of diabolical hex on us now?

SCENE 18

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, Sparky is watching TV when Bitch Clock comes downstairs and sees him._

BITCH CLOCK: Damn, this house is like a ghost town. Didn't you used to have friends?

SPARKY: Yeah, used to. You were right. Buster becoming a vegetarian messed everything up.

BITCH CLOCK: See? I'm like Nostradamus when it comes to this shit. It all starts with you saying you'll stop eating meat. Then all of a sudden, you decide to stop drinking just because you almost ran over someone with your car. You didn't even graze them. But no, you're going to AA meetings now, and staying home instead of going to the club with your friends, and wearing your damn sobriety chips around your damn neck like some f***ing Boy Scout f***ing f***.

_Beat._

BITCH CLOCK: I'm sorry, I'm kinda projecting here.

SPARKY: Really?

BITCH CLOCK: Look, kid, sometimes, friends grow apart. It's the cold facts. Better you find this out now when you're going to graduate in less than a year. Then once you go to sixth grade, you'll get all new friends.

SPARKY: But that's the thing. I don't want new friends, I love Buster and Jaylynn.

BITCH CLOCK: Honestly, I always thought you could do better than them.

_RK walks into the house._

RK: What's going on, Sparks?

BITCH CLOCK: Oh yeah, him too. Get rid of him before it's too late.

RK: Don't you have a filthy bong to suck beer out of?

BITCH CLOCK: I do that on Fridays, you dumb bitch. You know what? Let me know when he leaves, I'll be in the attic.

_Bitch Clock goes back upstairs. _

RK: You're still making him pay rent, right?

SPARKY: He's skipped out the past two months, I'm kinda over it at this point. But what's up?

RK: I think you and I can agree that things are really messed up right now.

SPARKY: Yeah, they are. I don't know if I can do Thanksgiving without Buster and Jaylynn. And I feel bad for Wade because he's stuck in the middle of everything like some weird divorce.

RK: I know. That's why I was thinking that we need to settle the beef and make the guys see that they still love beef. It's the only way we can save Thanksgiving.

SPARKY: How? They're all about the Vegetarian Club now.

RK: That's the key. We use that to our advantage. Have you ever heard of something called plant-based food?

SPARKY: Yeah. Everybody in America's heard of it.

RK: Well, that's how we settle things. We invite Buster and Jaylynn over to make peace, and we feed them turkey to celebrate. Only, we don't tell them it's actual turkey. We tell them it's plant-based turkey. They love it, they come to Thanksgiving dinner just so they can eat it, and we're all friends again.

SPARKY: But how are we going to make them see they don't want to be vegetarian?

RK: Through the turkey. Sparky, please, we need to focus on the whole enchilada here.

SPARKY: But we're deceiving them to get what we want. And if they find out, they're going to kill us and they'll just go harder with the vegetarian stuff.

RK: Do you have any better ideas?

SPARKY: No.

RK: Well, do you want your best friend and your old pen pal back?

SPARKY: Yes.

RK: Then it's time to go plant-based.

_Sparky sighs and rolls his eyes._

SCENE 19

The MacDougal Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

_One night, Sparky and RK are setting the table for the arrival of Buster and Jaylynn._

SPARKY: RK, I'm still not comfortable with this. Isn't there a way to save Thanksgiving without making our friends look like suckers?

RK: I really wish there was, but we're running out of time. And part of me wants to believe that Buster and Jaylynn would do the same thing if they had the chance.

SPARKY: No, they wouldn't.

RK: If Jaylynn's half as grimy as she claims to be, she would. And I lived with Buster, that boy is a lot craftier than we give him credit for.

_At that point, Wade walks in._

WADE: Hey guys.

SPARKY AND RK: Wade!

SPARKY: How are you doing, buddy? We just wanted to say sorry. We know how hard this has been for you.

RK: We need you to understand that it's not your fault, and it never was. How are you holding up?

WADE: Well, it hasn't been easy watching our group disintegrate for no justifiable reason, but at least tonight, there's hope. By the way, RK, I talked to Anna today. She said you need to start picking up your phone.

RK: I _do_ pick up my phone!

WADE: If that was the case, I wouldn't have to tell you anything. Fix what needs to be fixed or it's both of our asses.

RK: Alright, man, dag.

SCENE 20

The MacDougal Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

_Later on, the kids (except for RK) are all in the room waiting for dinner._

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm gonna be honest, this feels good. Sitting here with you? Kinda like old times.

SPARKY: Yeah, it brings a tear to my eye.

JAYLYNN: So, you really got a plant-based turkey? Where did you find it?

SPARKY: Oh, you know, going down that rabbit hole on the internet. Some restaurant in Wyoming was selling it on the cheap so I jumped at it. They call it the Impossible Turkey.

BUSTER: Hmmm. Maybe we could go there one day, make a vacation out of it.

SPARKY: I don't think so. That restaurant is a rib shack. Besides, the only people who go to Wyoming are historians and rappers who support Trump.

_At that point, RK opens the kitchen door and brings in the turkey._

_*singing an off-key version of "Impossible" by Shontelle* _RK: It...could...be impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible. Ow!

WADE: Please don't do that again.

RK: Alright, guys, time to dig into this 100% vegetarian-friendly, plant-based bird. Just so you guys can get a taste of this year's Thanksgiving.

WADE: Hey Sparky, maybe you could order another one of these and use your new sauce.

BUSTER: You have a new sauce?!

SPARKY: Yeah, but...I don't think I can use it.

JAYLYNN: Why not?

SPARKY: Because this turkey isn't plant-based!

BUSTER, WADE, AND JAYLYNN: What?!

RK: Dude...

SPARKY: RK, I'm sorry, but I can't do it this way. Look, guys, this was all just a scheme RK and I cooked up so we could not only be friends again, but prove you still liked eating meat.

JAYLYNN: So you were going to trick us into eating real turkey?!

SPARKY: Yeah. But I couldn't go through with it if that's what it meant.

BUSTER: I don't even know you anymore, man. Come on, Jaylynn, let's go get some Impossible Whoppers from a company that doesn't lie about its plant-based food.

JAYLYNN: Damn skippy.

_Buster and Jaylynn get up and leave the room._

RK: Looks like you really dropped the ball, Sparko.

SPARKY: They're not stupid, RK, they would have figured it out. Wade, you want to help us finish this Un-Impossible Turkey?

WADE: No, I think I lost my appetite.

_Wade gets up and begins leaving._

RK: Wade, where are you going?

WADE: Look, you guys have been fighting for weeks, you had a chance to make it right, and you still made it about proving a point. Don't bother calling me for Thanksgiving, I'll eat alone if I have to.

_Wade leaves the room._

RK: Maybe we could try making some turkey sandwiches with cheese and mayonnaise for Thanksgiving.

SPARKY: That actually sounds delicious right now.

SCENE 21

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_On Thanksgiving Day, Sparky walks into the kitchen with a disappointed look on his face and opens the refrigerator to find a full container of his Thanksgiving sauce inside. He sighs and puts the container back, then looks inside for something else. RK walks through the back door._

RK: Happy Thanksgiving!

_Sparky screams and leaps in the air when he hears RK's voice._

SPARKY: Dude, seriously, send out a warning next time. Like a text that says "Hey Sparks, I'm about to use the back door, so don't be alarmed and almost piss your pants."

RK: Sorry. This is a brand new experience for me. But don't worry, everything will be looking up from now on.

SPARKY: How? There's no Thanksgiving food because there's no one to host, three of our friends want nothing to do with us, and the Seahawks aren't even playing today.

RK: What's so bad about that last thing?

SPARKY: They can have the Lions and Cowboys play every year, but they can't throw in a damn Seahawks game? Come on now.

RK: Look, Sparky, I know things are bad, but I'm determined to make sure we both have fun today. It doesn't have to be just us here.

SPARKY: What do you mean?

RK: I mean, you could call Halley and I could call Anna. It can just be the four of us this Thanksgiving. Maybe things will get better soon, but for now, it's all about having a good time.

SPARKY: You know what? You're right. Let's call our girlfriends, let's make this day mean more than just a pit stop on the road to Christmas.

RK: Exactly.

SCENE 22

The Hernandez Household

Seattle, Washington

_Some time later, Jaylynn's house is filled with kids. A lot of them are watching the Chicago Bears-Detroit Lions game on TV, while in the kitchen, Buster, Jaylynn, Sanna, and Ashley are preparing the dinner._

JAYLYNN: Thanks for helping me and Buster out, guys.

ASHLEY: No problem, but don't you two think you're missing something?

BUSTER: Ashley, for the last time, if you wanted French vanilla ice cream, you should have told one of us beforehand.

ASHLEY: I got over it. But I'm talking about the guys. You know it's not Thanksgiving without them.

JAYLYNN: Sparky and RK want to do their own thing. We can't stop them. We just have to keep moving forward.

SANNA: Okay, but what about Wade? Did anyone even bother inviting him?

BUSTER: Oh no. Wade! We forgot Wade, we forgot Wade.

JAYLYNN: I can't believe this. We've been so caught up in our own stuff, we didn't think about Wade. Buster, call him and ask if he wants to come. He's probably devastated.

BUSTER: Nope, you know what? This is a personal matter, and it needs to be dealt with man-to-man. I'll go over to Wade's and see if he's interested.

JAYLYNN: Good idea. I'll hold it down over here.

_Buster removes his apron and runs out of the kitchen. _

ASHLEY: Jaylynn, Jaylynn, Jaylynn. For shame.

SANNA: Yeah, how could you do something like that to Wade?

JAYLYNN: It was an oversight!

SCENE 23

The Saltalamacchia Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

_Buster is walking towards Wade's house when he notices the front door starting to open. He gasps, then jumps into a nearby bush so he won't be spotted. Wade comes out wearing headphones and bobbing his head, while closing the door and checking to see if he has everything he needs before locking it._

_*rapping "Take It in Blood" by Nas* _WADE: "Ask around, who's laid up, sharp and straight up?/Mafioso, getting people's wakes sprayed up/Skies are misty, my life's predicted by a Gypsy/I'll one day walk into shots, drunk off champagne from Sicily."

_Buster screams as he jumps out of the bush and tackles Wade to the ground._

BUSTER: Hello there.

WADE: Buster, what the hell are you doing?! Get off me.

BUSTER: Oh, sorry. Let me help you up.

_Buster picks Wade up and helps to dust him off._

BUSTER: Look, Wade, I know that entrance was a little grand, but I need you to come with me to Thanksgiving dinner at Jaylynn's. You're the missing piece.

WADE: How could I be? You didn't care enough to invite me in the first place.

BUSTER: Believe me, we didn't do it on purpose. It's just been a hard couple weeks for everybody. You understand, right?

WADE: No, I don't. I have to go meet Adriana.

BUSTER: Come on, Wade, you have to be there. We need all of our friends to eat with us.

WADE: I think you're missing two people.

BUSTER: Who? I mean, there's you, Sparky, and RK, but we're not speaking to them, so these two people are a mystery to me.

WADE: Sparky and RK are the two people! Look, I don't know how this whole beef started with you guys, but it's corny, petty, and childish, and I'm not taking sides. If you want me at Thanksgiving dinner, Sparky and RK have to come too.

BUSTER: How am I going to make that happen?

WADE: Easy. Come with me, we're taking a trip.

BUSTER: Wade, are you serious? You can't just bring up a problem and then decide to go on a trip. It's weird.

_Beat._

BUSTER: You were implying something with that, weren't you?

WADE: Get in the car.

SCENE 24

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky, Halley, RK, and Anna are watching TV._

HALLEY: So, just to make sure, we're eating turkey sandwiches tonight?

SPARKY: Honey turkey sandwiches.

RK: With cheese and mayonnaise.

ANNA: Ewww, I hate mayonnaise. Except on hot dogs, that's good.

RK: You haven't been reading my book, have you?

ANNA: I have. I don't agree with everything you wrote, but I admire you for writing it.

_At that point, Buster and Wade walk in. There is an awkward pause._

HALLEY: Oh shit, it's on now.

BUSTER: Wade, I'm scared I'm gonna die. It's 4-on-1, and I didn't even bring an equalizer!

WADE: Relax, Buster, they're not gonna hurt you.

RK: Depends on how things go.

SPARKY: Could we help you?

BUSTER: Yeah, we need to talk about...everything. And if you're gonna beat me, could you at least do it in a place where the neighbors will hear me screaming?

_Wade shakes his head._

SCENE 25

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn walks into the living room and looks around._

JAYLYNN: I thought Buster would be back with Wade by now.

WILL: He probably got lost or something. You know Buster.

MANNY: Yeah, chill, sweetie. They'll be back soon. In the meantime, take a break.

JAYLYNN: What's the score?

WILL: The Bears are up by seven. Now, it's just commercials.

_("Still Unbroken" by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays on the television) _

VOICEOVER: Some sandwiches just can't cut the mustard. But this is America, the home of apple pie, pickup trucks, and innovation. We don't just give up. We know how to take something classic and breathe new life into it.

JAYLYNN: What the hell?

VOICEOVER: That's why for a limited time, Applebee's is bringing you the All-American Sandwich. Five strips of bacon, three kinds of melted cheeses, a whole burger patty, honey mustard, and cool ranch Dorito pieces all between two brioche buns. The best competition is always yourself. So, what are you gonna do? Be an innovator, or keep eating the same mediocre food like some pussy-ass bitch?

_Jaylynn's eyes are widened and her mouth is watering at the sight of the sandwich. Manny and Will look at each other with confusion, then snap their fingers to get Jaylynn out of her trance._

JAYLYNN: Huh? Where am I? Where's the sandwich?

MANNY: It was just a commercial, Jaylynn.

WILL: Yeah, are you feeling okay?

JAYLYNN: Sure, sure, I'm fine. I don't need no damn nasty meat sandwich. Child, please. I need to go check on...something in the oven, I think.

_Jaylynn wipes her mouth off as she walks back into the kitchen. _

SCENE 26

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky, Buster, RK, and Wade are talking at the kitchen table._

BUSTER: And it really hurt me when you didn't want to be part of the club. Then it seemed like you were making fun of it.

SPARKY: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off like that. I just thought this would be another one of those things you would give up after a week. I didn't know how serious you were.

BUSTER: I get it. But I don't know if I'll ever eat meat again after everything I've seen. I just don't want to lose my best friend over it.

SPARKY: Me neither. I mean, even if you're vegetarian and I'm not, that shouldn't matter. We're still Sparky and Buster.

BUSTER: Exactly.

RK: You know, Buster, I just can't get down with the vegetarian lifestyle. I don't judge people who do it, it's just not for me. But I didn't make it any easier by being a jerk.

BUSTER: It's okay. We all went overboard when we should have just talked to each other.

SPARKY: Hey, if you guys want, you could stay for Thanksgiving. We're having sandwiches.

BUSTER: I would love to, but I'm helping Jaylynn out with her Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, shit, I haven't been at Jaylynn's for a while. She probably has my picture on milk cartons by now.

WADE: It's okay. Just call her and ask if you can bring some extra guests.

BUSTER: You're right. If Jaylynn says yes, you guys can all bring your girls over for dinner!

SPARKY: That's a great idea.

RK: Yeah, why not?

_Buster dials Jaylynn's number, and the phone begins ringing._

BUSTER: Yeah, Jaylynn? What would you say to putting out a few more plates for Thanksgiving? Yeah, of course, I'm implying something.

SCENE 27

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Jaylynn walks to the front door and opens it up to see Sparky, Buster, RK, Wade, Halley, Adriana, and Anna._

JAYLYNN: Please tell me at least one of you brought something.

SPARKY: I made honey turkey sandwiches.

RK: And I brought the appropriate condiments for the sandwiches.

JAYLYNN: Good enough. Alright, guys, make yourselves at home.

_All the kids walk in but Sparky pulls RK to the side. They mumble to each other, then walk up to Jaylynn._

SPARKY: Jaylynn, we're sorry about everything. We just thought you guys were going over the top with being vegetarians.

RK: And we also wanted to save Thanksgiving.

JAYLYNN: It's okay. I'm sorry, too. We almost let this break us apart and we can't do that. We're a gang until the day we die. And honestly, deep down, I always wanted you guys to be here.

_Sparky, RK, and Jaylynn hug each other in unison. Buster and Wade join in after seeing it._

MANNY: Ugh, enough with the holding hands and hugging and learning lessons.

WILL: Yeah, who do you guys think you are, _The Goldbergs_?

JAYLYNN: Don't be upset because you'll never have what we have.

MANNY: We do have that. Will, come on, give me a squeeze and make sure I can't breathe when you do it.

WILL: I was this close to doing it, but you just had to make it creepy.

_Cut to an exterior shot of Jaylynn's house._

SPARKY _(V.O.)_: And that's our story. RK and I made peace with the fact that Buster and Jaylynn were now vegetarians, and we...oh, wait, hold on, they told me we still have some time left.

SCENE 28

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_With the caption on the screen reading "One Week Later," the members of TSE are shown eating McChickens while watching TV._

SPARKY: Ay, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Yup.

SPARKY: Pass me another McChicken.

JAYLYNN: You got it.

_Jaylynn tosses Sparky a McChicken._

SPARKY: Thanks, bro.

JAYLYNN: You got it, holmes.

_Bitch Clock walks downstairs and sees all of the kids eating._

BITCH CLOCK: What's going on here?

BUSTER: It's the highly anticipated return of McChicken Day.

SPARKY: Yeah, Bitch Clock, didn't you see the memo?

BITCH CLOCK: I don't care either way, but I thought Blondie and Redhead were granola crunchers now.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, we're not into it anymore. It was fun while it lasted, though.

BUSTER: I think the lesson here is that we love eating gross food. It was the way we were raised and we should just embrace it.

RK: But there's nothing wrong with a little health every now and then. See? Extra lettuce on mine.

JAYLYNN: And that was all his idea.

BITCH CLOCK: That's a great lesson to learn. You know what? I'm proud of you guys.

_Bitch Clock nods his head in approval and walks to the kitchen._

WADE: Should we be concerned about that?

SPARKY: Eh, we know what we like. Hey Wade, are you gonna try doing it?

WADE: Oh, I have to. Pass me some packets.

_Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn pass Wade a few ketchup packets._

WADE: So it's the criss-cross formation, right, RK?

RK: Precisely. Don't worry, you got this.

_Wade opens two ketchup packets and, with his arms forming the "X" shape, squirts them simultaneously on his McChicken while screaming, causing the kids to cheer and clap._

BUSTER: That shouldn't even be done!

RK: Beautiful. Beautiful work, buddy.

_Cut to black._

_("U.N.I.T.Y." by Queen Latifah plays over the end credits)_

©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

HAPPY THANKSGIVING


	2. Cancel Thanksgiving Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 11/25/19)_

-When I was in seventh grade, my English class was shown the documentary _Super Size Me_, which was directed by Morgan Spurlock and released in 2004. We also had to read the book _Chew on This_, which was full of information that went after the fast food industry and exposed many of its practices. I actually became a little disgusted with McDonald's and was uninterested in eating it for a while. Earlier this year, I thought about taking my experiences and making an episode out of it. I decided to save the idea for season eight, but I was unsure about when it would come out. At the time, it was called "Chew on This, Chew on That." It was named after a rap song me and my best friend wrote after reading the book.

-A couple months later, I was thinking about what to do with the Thanksgiving episode. After "Talking Turkey" in season two, I got into the habit of writing a Thanksgiving episode every two years. For whatever reason, Thanksgiving has never given me a lot of inspiration, so I was never interested in treating it like Halloween where it gets an episode every season. But since this is season eight, and the last season, I knew I had to write one. I kept thinking that an original idea wouldn't work, and if I was going to write another Thanksgiving episode, it would be a cover episode. I thought about covering the _Malcolm in the Middle _episode "Thanksgiving" and even put it down as an idea. I also thought about doing an episode that flashes back to previous Thanksgivings (all the seasons that didn't have a Thanksgiving episode), and a episode that covers multiple Thanksgiving episodes. I still couldn't come to a decision.

-It was in late July that I decided to take "Chew on This, Chew on That" and turn it into a Thanksgiving episode. I figured it would work perfectly because the episode involved food and if the kids became vegetarians, it might complicate Thanksgiving dinner. However, other than the documentary and the book sparking everything, I didn't have anything else outlined for the episode. There were ideas for it that I had before I started writing (Sparky referencing the Shirley Caesar meme, _How to Live to Eat_, the "Beef" montage, the "plant-based" turkey, the Applebee's commercial with "Still Unbroken"), but a lot of the material was worked out when I was actually writing the episode. For one, I was thinking that the meat eaters vs. vegetarians conflict would be on a grander scale. Like, there would be established characters on one side and established characters on the other side. But then when I was writing it, it became more of an internal conflict among the five kids. I also thought the dynamic was interesting here since Sparky and Buster were on opposing sides, but it made sense in the end: Sparky wanted to save Thanksgiving, RK is a lifelong meat eater, Buster is easily influenced, Jaylynn is the kind of person willing to be vocal about the causes she supports, and Wade would just try staying out of it, even though he sees where both groups are coming from. If I wanted to, this could have been its own episode without having anything Thanksgiving-related, but I knew this was the best idea I had.

-One thing I wanted to make sure I did was portray both sides equally. While I am not a vegetarian, I didn't want Buster and Jaylynn to be the antagonists. At the same time, I didn't want Sparky and RK to be antagonists and feel like they were being threatened by the Vegetarian Club. They had to have justifiable reasons to oppose them. In the end, it became a case where there were no designated antagonists, just the characters losing control of the situation and being irrational because the newfound information scared them (Buster and Jaylynn), or because they were afraid of things changing (Sparky and RK).

-I changed the title of this episode because I didn't think it was good enough and needed something less generic. For a time, it was called "Untitled Thanksgiving Episode," then I I thought about titles like "Kill Thanksgiving" or "Thanksgiving is Cancelled." I went with "Cancel Thanksgiving" because it described the episode perfectly: In a way, Buster and Jaylynn have decided to "cancel" the holiday dinner as it was originally planned because of their vegetarianism, and cancel culture is one of the current trends.

-While stirring his Thanksgiving sauce, Sparky references gospel legend Shirley Caesar's sermon where she names several different foods in rhythmic form, ending it by exclaiming "YOU NAME IT!" That part of the sermon went viral and became a meme a couple years ago.

-Originally, I was going to just use _Super Size Me _and _Chew on This _as they were named, but I decided to change them for the sake of having more of a parody aspect. I only saw _Super Size Me _in the seventh grade that one time and didn't rewatch it before writing the episode, but I decided to research it to refresh my memory and realized there was a lot of criticism, so I incorporated that into the episode.

-Edward Sinclair's name is the combination of two famous journalists: Edward R. Murrow and Upton Sinclair.

-A lot of _The 30-Day Struggle _was taken directly from _Super Size Me_, like the three square meals of McDonald's every day, Edward not being allowed to consume anything that didn't come from McDonald's, and the visit to the doctor's office where Edward's doctor compares him to Nicolas Cage's character in the 1996 film _Leaving Las Vegas_.

-At the doctor's office, Edward references another Nicolas Cage film, the 1988 film _Moonstruck _where Cage co-starred alongside Cher.

-_The Art of the Meal_'s title is a reference to the 1987 book _Trump: __The Art of the Deal_, written by Tony Schwartz and credited to U.S. President Donald Trump (even though Schwartz claims that Trump had no involvement in the book).

-The pink slime in Chicken McNuggets and cochineal insect (the insect's acid helps produce carmine dye, which is used as a food colorant and in lipstick) were things that I read about in _Chew on This_.

-RK references Chris Rock's "O.J., I Understand" routine from his 1996 comedy special _Bring the Pain_.

-RK's book _How to Live to Eat _is a parody of Elijah Muhammad's _How to Eat to Live _book series, which was published in the 1960s. I came up with the idea after talking to my best friend on the phone about fast food and certain philosophies I had regarding it. While Muhammad's books promoted healthy eating and a certain diet for readers to follow, RK's book promotes unhealthy diets and eating for the sake of eating. In "Beef," KRS-One mentions that _How to Eat to Live _comes in a brown paperback, so I gave _How to Live to Eat _a white paperback for contrast.

-Originally, I was just going to have Sparky and RK give Buster the "plant-based" turkey and he doesn't realize it's meat until he's already started eating it. But when I was writing the episode, I decided to add Wade and Jaylynn.

-Sparky references Kanye West's "Wyoming Sessions," where he recorded and produced five albums in a matter of weeks in Jackson Hole, Wyoming last year. The albums included his own solo album _ye_, Pusha T's album _Daytona_, a collaborative album with Kid Cudi called _Kids See Ghosts_, Nas' album _Nasir_, and Teyana Taylor's album _KTSE_. Sparky also references West's controversial support for Donald Trump.

-The Seattle Seahawks have only played on Thanksgiving twice in the last decade (2008 and 2014) and four times in their entire history (including 1980 and 1986), while the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys have hosted Thanksgiving games every year for several decades each.

-With Wade rapping "Take It in Blood," this completes the running gag of referencing Nas' 1996 album _It Was Written _in Thanksgiving episodes. In "Talking Turkey," Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn whistle "If I Ruled the World (Imagine That)" to distract Ashley from asking about RK. In "My Thanksgiving with the CimFam," "Live N***a Rap" plays in the background as Sparky prepares to kill Lisa Cimorelli for almost ruining Thanksgiving dinner and lying about it. And in "The Thanksgiving from Hell," RK describes his Thanksgiving essay by quoting the opening line of "Silent Murder." I didn't even notice the running gag until season six, but this episode was definitely the hardest one to include it in.

-It feels like it's been a while since I included a TV gag on the show. The Applebee's commercial was somewhat of a parody of restaurant commercials I've seen in the past few years, including ones that Applebee's has done that use classic songs like "Time of the Season" by The Zombies or "That's the Way (I Like It)" by KC and the Sunshine Band.

-Will compares the guys' emotional moments to similar scenes from the ABC sitcom _The Goldbergs _(2013-).

-The plan was always for Buster and Jaylynn to go back to eating meat, but I was trying to figure out how to do it. Originally, during the scene where the guys made up, I was thinking that maybe Buster and Jaylynn realize on their own that they still loved meat. I even briefly considered keeping them vegetarians for another episode or two. In the end, I just decided to turn it into a joke. They thought being vegetarian was cool for a while, then they got over it and went back to what they were doing before without thinking about it.


End file.
